A bunch of months ago I put out a call for Churchill drabbles, and then failed miserably in producing them. Well, I'm making up for a few of them now.

Nifra wanted Lex POV Tronfic, dammit. Something that involved screaming on Tron's part and much chaos all together. Also, Churchill should get arrested for public indecency and nearly cause an international incident.

Innusiq sent this hilarious picture of a dog ramp and suggested Lex could do one better than that for Churchill.

The Purple Devil requested Churchill and Tron's first meeting.

Ladydey requested dog show or playing with the grubby kids in the park.

The night Churchill straggled into the apartment Clark-less with his leash flopping sadly behind him, Lex immediately became irate. Whatever duties Superman had to attend to surely could not have been important enough to warrant stranding a poor helpless animal alone in a city as dangerous as Metropolis.

When the mutated rat - Adelaide - bounded in seconds later and attached herself to his Churchill with a ferocity posessed only by mutated rats, Lex lunged for the phone and ordered Lois to come pick up her boyfriend's damn dog. Lois launched into some long convoluted story about the park and trees, and the threat of Lex's head imploding grew exponentially the shriller her voice became.

By the time Lois and the Frenchman got there, Lex was negotiating a no-sex zone between the dogs, who instead of listening to him, were busily pawing each other on his living room rug.

The Frenchman flapped his arms, gesticulating in what must have been canine francais, because Adelaide gave Churchill one last lick before trotting over and looking up with innocent eyes.

Lois gritted her teeth and began muttering. The Frenchman beamed.

Lex yelled for them to get the hell out.

He turned to Churchill, who let out a gusty breath and laid his head on his paws.

Lex threw Clark's glasses in Churchill's direction and sat down on the couch to wait.

***

Clark brought a flying squirrel home. Even after he went to bed, Lex was determined to remain upset. That is, until Clark slid into bed with him, his body carefully hugging the edge away from Lex.

Surprises were not something Lex had much experience with; he was invariably prepared for whatever outcomes any given situation might present. And while Clark losing Churchill in the park warranted a certain degree of anger, the apologetic line of Clark's naked body dissipated any lingering annoyance.

Although, Lex wasn't entirely certain that Clark hadn't let the sheet pool around his hips on purpose. Clark's back was exposed, long lean lines of muscle disappearing under the pale purple cotton. Lex cursed his weakness for a moment, and then sighed, resigned, and curled around him.

***

As long as Tron stayed in that ghastly yellow fluorescent ball and away from Lex, the Kent-Luthor household remained on a balanced equilibrium.

Lex sat down at his desk with his morning coffee, and adjusted the laptop four centimeters to the left. The pencils were all properly sharpened to precise points, and his pens were now lined up in the drawer according to color and width. Being Saturday, Lex was determined to spend the day relaxing.

He opened the Daily Planet and leaned back in his chair to read. From the corner of his eye, he saw a shadow dart across the ceiling.  He ignored it with a raised eyebrow, and shifted the newspaper in an attempt to keep it from staining his pants. Several minutes went by, and he was almost finished reading Clark's latest article when he saw the shadow swoop around again in his periphery.

"What the…" he muttered, cautiously rising from his chair.

And then suddenly, he was being attacked by a flying ball of fur. Lex let out a yell, and threw his arms over his head to protect himself. He ducked behind the sofa and peeked over the edge to see Tron diving around the room.

Tron was on a mission, it would appear. A mission to get up close and intimate with Lex's head.

Another dive-bomb by the furry beast - dangerously close to Lex's exposed head, and even closer to the Ming green-cracked glazed bowl sitting on a pedestal in the corner of the room - sent Lex into conniptions.

"Get away! Go, shoo, get the fuck out of here, you pestilent beast! You mangy scourge!"

Lex tended to expand his vocabulary when angered, and now was no exception.

Tron let out an ear-piercing shriek, spread his wings and flew straight at Lex with a wicked glint in his eyes.

"You're possessed!" Lex yelled, elbows hitting the floor as he covered his head just in time to avoid Tron whizzing past his ear with a whoosh. The rodent landed, smirking, on Lex's desk.

"Lex!" Clark exclaimed, bursting into the room. "What's going on? I heard you shrieking…Lex?"

Clark's shoes appeared around the corner of the sofa. Lex stood up, calmly, and smoothed his hands down the front of his shirt.

"I was not 'shrieking', Clark," Lex replied, "I was merely defending myself against your rabid rodent, who by the way, was emitting that ear-splitting cacophony you heard. The same animal, I might add, who is currently making himself intimately acquainted with my Warrior Angel pencil cup."

Clark turned to see Tron happily munching on the end of a pencil and smiled widely at him. "Tron! Hey buddy, I was wondering where you'd gotten off to."

"He tried to attack me, Clark," Lex pointed out angrily. "That squirrel can't stay in this house."

"Awww, Lex, c'mon. He's just getting used the place. I'm sure he didn't mean to attack you. He's just playing, you know, a game or something."

Clark gently picked Tron up, removed the pencil from his greedy little claws, and tucked him into the crook of his arm.

Lex could've sworn the squirrel winked at him.

"See? He's harmless." Clark wandered over to the door and picked up Tron's ball, placing him inside. Tron happily rolled along the floor, coming to a stop against the heel of Lex's shoe.

"He's out to get me," Lex scowled.

At that moment, Churchill decided to come trotting through the door. Upon entering, he stopped short, eyes trained on the glowing yellow ball at Lex's feet, and cocked his head.

"Churchill!" Clark exclaimed. "Come meet your new little buddy."

Churchill plodded over at Clark's call, happily wagging his tail.

"Bite his head off," Lex muttered encouragingly to the dog, before clearing his throat.

"Clark, I'm not sure this is a good idea," he began, as Churchill sniffed at Tron through the plastic.

Nudging the ball with his nose, Churchill rolled it across the rug, while inside Tron rumbled around looking content and pleased.

"Seems like they like each other, Lex." Clark was beaming as he reached for Tron.

"We'll just see when that furball gets out of his playpen. I will not be held responsible when Churchill eats him."

"Aren't you more worried that Tron will eat Churchill?," Clark teased, easing Tron out of his cage.

Lex scoffed. "Churchill can take him. I am telling you, Clark, seriously, don't come crying to me when your flying squirrel winds up mauled and maimed. Churchill is ferocious."

Clark rolled his eyes. "Okay, Lex, whatever you say," tempering his words with a blinding grin.

Clark set Tron on the floor. He was tiny compared to Churchill, who could easily reach out a paw and crush him beneath it. Personally, Lex was hoping for that possible outcome.

Churchill stuck his nose in Tron's stomach, and the sugar glider willingly rolled over before playfully darting through Churchill's legs. Churchill jumped up on his pudgy hind legs and tried to catch him, tongue wagging with glee.

"Traitor," Lex grumbled.

***

Lex had purchased a brilliant item, in his estimation, for Churchill. A beautifully constructed staircase, complete with mahogany banisters, so that Churchill could easily access his high four-poster bed. It curved slightly into a nice, casual slope that led from the floor to the soft comfort of Churchill's purple embroidered pillows, courtesy Martha Kent. The staircase was modeled after the one in the front hall at Monticello, and Lex was particularly pleased with the way it came out.

The television was droning and a dark head was tucked against Lex's neck when he heard a loud thump coming from the direction of Churchill's bedroom. He immediately tensed, and Clark's head shot up, wary eyes turned in Lex's direction.

"I'll, uhh, I'll go check it out," Clark said quickly, bounding off the sofa.

Lex was not so easily diverted. Dogging Clark's heels all the way through the penthouse, he stumbled into Clark's back when Clark stopped short in the doorway of Churchill's bedroom.

He had trouble seeing over the broad flannel-covered shoulder, and Clark's sidestepping wasn't helping matters. Finally, Lex had enough of the Don't-Let-Lex-See-Inside-the-Room dance, and grabbed Clark by the back of his shirt and hauled him out of the way.

In the middle of the room, sprawled on his back and legs in the air, was Churchill.

He was lying directly under the staircase -

Which was a good four feet away from the bed.

"What the hell is going on here?" Lex demanded, barging across the floor to loom over Churchill.

Churchill gave a piteous moan by way of explanation. A brown flash zoomed by Lex's head, before landing in a heap of fur beside Churchill.

Lex prided himself on putting two and two together. In fact, he could usually put three and three together as well and this time the answer was coming up to four little letters with an egregious pair of wings - 'wings' being a misnomer of the highest order.

"This, this - this is all that damn squirrel's fault!" Lex sputtered. "He's a menace and a nuisance and," Lex could feel his blood pressure rising, "a bad influence on Churchill!"

"Lex, really, I don't think Tron had anything to do with - "

"Nothing to do with this?" Lex interrupted. "He has everything to do with this! Churchill wouldn't be trying to perform his own rendition of Superman in Flight if Tron hadn't egged him on! That squirrel is evil, Clark, evil. I can see it in his eyes. They're red and evil."

"Lex," Clark sighed, "I don't think Churchill was trying to imitate Superman. I mean, he doesn't even have the cape or…"

He wisely shut up at Lex's glare. "Well, if not Superman, then whom?" Lex asked accusatorily.

They both turned and looked at Churchill.

His tongue was hanging out in delight, and Tron was sitting on his stomach, rubbing his head into the underside of Churchill's neck.

"He - " Lex was going to have a hard time getting this out, "he was trying to be like - like…." Lex clenched his teeth. "Like Tron?!"

Clark gave him an apologetic wince. "That does it!" Lex proclaimed, pointing his finger at Churchill. "You're grounded."

***

It pained Lex to ground Churchill, but there really was no other option. He wasn't, however, fully aware of the extent to which Tron had Churchill under his mind-controlling powers until a week after what had since been deemed the Flying Debacle Never To Be Discussed Again. Lex wouldn't go so far as to admit that he was jealous of Tron's machinations and influence (though he did at times wonder if perhaps he should take notes).

The President of the Federated States of Micronesia was visiting Metropolis as LexCorp's honored guest, and Lex spent the week wining and dining him at various functions. It had taken every bit of diplomatic ingenuity he had to get the notoriously hard-nosed President to agree to Lex's plan to open a LexCorp subsidiary in Micronesia, and the following morning would end their talks with what Lex hoped would be fast-drying ink scrawled across a contract.

Meetings over for the day, Lex was looking forward to going home and letting Clark blow him against the kitchen counter. He was tired and a well-deserved blowjob would round out the day quite nicely. Dusk was settling over the city when President Urusemal suggested a walk through the park, to which Lex warmly agreed despite his concealed irritation.

It was a decision that would haunt him to his grave, and probably beyond.

When Lex left the penthouse for work, he had listened with half an ear as Clark told him about his plans for the day. He caught snippets that sounded like fetching Lois' coffee, keeping fingers out of the way of staplers, and Churchill and the park.

Lex vowed from this day on to pay very, very close attention when Clark talked in the morning.

The footpath across the park wound lazily around the lake, the sun throwing purple shadows across the water. He lit Urusemal's cigar, then slowly puffed on his own, enjoying the cool breeze.

They rounded the edge of the lake, and saw a large group of people ahead - a very large group of people with a very large group of dogs.

"Mongrels," the President snarled in disgust. "Filthy things, don't you agree, Lex?"

Lex said nothing, giving a tight nod and uneasily scanning the park, praying to whatever gods chose to listen that he had misheard Clark that morning.

People, in retrospect, was not entirely accurate. Little people, to be exact, little tiny drooling grubby-fingered people whose main mission in life was to smear as much jelly over their mouths and five-hundred dollar wool slacks as they could.

Clark later informed Lex that the laymen's term for those people was "children".  Lex wasn't entirely convinced it wasn't "demon".

Canines swarmed the area; dogs of every size, shape, and color, some of whom appeared to be wearing costumes. One in particular looked suspiciously like Churchill, who - dear God - was attached to someone who looked suspiciously like a certain bumbling reporter-cum-superhero.

The same dark-haired grinning doofus that was waving in Lex's direction, mouth flapping open as he called Lex's name.

The lake looked incredibly inviting, as did the hole in the ground Lex imagined opening up beneath him.

"Clark!" he called brightly, turning to President Urusemal. "My partner," he explained, forcing a smile.

Clark ambled up, Churchill prancing around and through his legs. He was laughing when he reached them, and leaned in to give Lex a wet kiss on the cheek.

"Clark Kent," he smiled, stretching out a hand to the President.

"A pleasure," Urusemal responded, releasing Clark's hand and surreptitiously wiping his hand against his pants.

Lex bit back a groan. "I didn't expect to see you here, Clark," he began, hoping Clark would catch on.

And thank God behind the fluffy bangs and ridiculously twinkling green eyes there was a brain, because Clark sucked in a quick breath and shot a nervous glance in the President's direction.

"Umm, yeah!" Clark said, bobbing his head. "Remember? I told you that I was bringing Churchill to the park this afternoon. For the uhh, for the - " Clark turned and swept his hand over the expanse of the park. "The dog show."

"The dog show," Lex echoed, flatly.

"The dog show," Clark repeated with vigor, "and guess what? Churchill won second place in the Most Adorable Puppy category."

Lex raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Only second? Second? That can't be right - that's completely and totally unacceptable! Who were the judges, where are they? Was it those runny-nosed midgets? Churchill is definitely first place material," Lex declared, "aren't you, Churchill?" Lex looked down to reassure Churchill on his unfair loss -

And found Churchill happily humping the leg of the President of the Federated States of Micronesia.

This had international incident written all over it.

After a frenzy of activity, which included Clark removing Churchill from the President's debauched appendage with a touch of superspeed, the President sputtering obscenities, face puffy and red, and Lex convincing the officers on the scene not to arrest Churchill, the park had cleared out, and the stars were popping through the clouds overhead.

Clark put a cautious hand on Lex's shoulder.

"Don't even think it, Clark," he bit out, clipping the leash on Churchill's collar with a decided snap.

"Uhhh, I was just going to you know, remind you of umm, the things we can do when we get home...

Lex turned to Clark, grabbing him by the front of his shirt.

"All. Tron's. Influence." He resisted the urge to spit on the ground after the proclamation, instead releasing Clark's shirt slowly with what he hoped was a menacing touch to smooth it back in place.

Clark nodded thoughtfully, falling into step beside Lex.

They walked along in silence, Clark edging closer until he finally put his arm around Lex's shoulder.

Lex sighed. "They are not allowed to be alone together anymore, Clark. I mean it, Churchill and Tron are not to play with each other without supervision. Christ, next thing you know, they'll be plotting to overthrow some unsuspecting developing country and taking over the world."

"Can't have that," Clark smiled, leaning in to nip at Lex's ear. "After all, that's your job."

"Damn right," Lex said, and let Clark lead him home, where the kitchen counter seemed incredibly inviting.